For the last several years Father's Day has been a real challenge. In fact, it has been the only day during the year when the loss of my father still feels palpable even though it's been nearly ten years since he passed away.
This became an undeniable pattern after I left my ex-husband and became entangled in a narcissistic abusive relationship - one that lasted for about six years.
Each year on Father's Day I would struggle and each year the person I had chosen to be with was nowhere to be found. No matter how much they knew I was hurting they never showed up.
As you can imagine, this caused me greater suffering. What I longed for more than anything was for them to be there for me, and no matter what I did, that desire would never materialize.
This year however, something shifted.
As Father's Day approached I began to ponder how I wanted to honor my father. I conjured up a list of six things. And for the first time since he passed away I turned the day into a celebration of his life which included:
Going to get a six pack of Heineken which was his favorite beer
Walking to the riverwalk because he loved to fish
Taking the book Girl in Translation (one of two physical items I have of his) with me to the riverwalk
Watching something funny dedicated to Black culture because he loved "his" people
And you know what?
This Father's Day wasn't a struggle at all.
It was a joyous day filled with reflection.
And a celebration of how much I've grown since I started my holistic healing journey.
I can't deny that I thought how nice it would have been to hear from the one person I always wanted to show up for me on this day, but it was absolutely okay that they didn't.
This year I didn't need it.
When we grow, our capacity to hold grief grows.
As we allow ourselves the space to change, we give ourselves room to grow into the powerful selves we have always been.
From this place we know that Source is the Source. That the Divine Presence we are is the source and substance of all our good.
We have the power to alchemize grief and whatever else might be getting in our way of living life to the fullest.
Me Too: A Therapist's Journey to Heal, Find Liberation, & Joy has an entire chapter dedicated to help us to work through grief in ways that both honor it, and support us in moving forward.
And if you need more intensive grief support, we got you. Just click here to schedule a consultation. In the meantime, subscribe to our newsletter here for two BIG announcements!
With all my love,
Demarra West
Founder
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